From a deep abiding emptiness there arises a pure unfiltered expression. Innocent, childlike in nature it has no agenda. Simply arising into form…a new creation.
Often I feel weary of my connections with people. Sometimes i just want to curl up in my bed and cry. I have been plagued with feelings of emptiness and aloneness. Just wanting to run and escape, like everyone around me. Or just put my head in the ground like an ostrich and scream where no one will hear or even care if I am alive.
Human suffering seems to be a pervasive theme in my life. Deepening into the dark corridors of my souls journey, where dark is reflected in my loved one’s sufferings and where a reprieve is but a moments breathing space and diving inward deeper and deeper, peeling through the layers of unloved, unaccepted self…mirrored in fear based imagery in my life where life turns around every corner…what appears dark becomes light, what appears light is superficial play dissolving into the whaling of all the unheard cries for the tortured animals, sexually used girls, lonely women, old folks with no one to hold, unheard cries of the street person…and yet, for now , this planet is my home.
I care so deeply at times, i feel my heart will burst open a flood of torrential tears, for all i cannot hold, or the tears i cannot wipe away, for all the screams in the night from young girls raped by strangers.
And yet, with all my hearts breaking there is love, always there is love, more and more love…learning to love it all, a planet that turns its back to all but the young, the good looking, the wealthy, the charming.
So, I wonder, the innocence with in my heart wonders, what is this pain that wishes to love, to love this planet all the way home, to where we remember. The final remembrance.
The one heart that embraces all of humanity through her golden enchanting love. Permeating the vast, expansive pain that this planet is. Gently, tenderly knowing that there is a reason.
How else are we to know the greatest, the finest, the divine essence of our nature without the utter and complete absence. This absence is calling, calling forth the love within us all to arise, to permeate all our frozen places, to emminate with grace. To warm the corridors of your heart, to fill them to where they begin to overflow, with greater ease and then with full grace…in all the ways that lighten and brighten each souls burdenous journeys.
To simply touch another is to invoke divine ecstacy…when the touch eminates from the souls infinite divinity. And so we touch and we pray and we dance and we know not when the grace will move in and through our own soul, yet we continue to touch, to reach, to embrace this blessed planet, not knowing who we help or bless, but truly knowing that without love there would be no meaning to being here.
With love, the seeds move through the darkened, hardened soil and with nurturance from sunshiny radiance and moist dew and the kind words of appreciation of the seed sowers the plant arises and then in all her glory she blooms for all to see. Her majestic radiance a true eye catcher to all passersby.
With awe and wonderment and true mystery i open my heart to all that is knowing i am as a child of innocence and so i love, i love and i love and the dew streaks my cheeks when i behold a seed having made it through the darkened, hardened soul and i so long to help each one, as if children of my own and then one pops through and i can offer my tender words of love and encouragement and then one more and another and then we are shining, one to the other…enveloped in the arms of grace…we bloom, radiant passengers of a long and weary journey over many, many lifetimes, and yet, we are here. We have arrived. We are the awakenend ones.
When I feel my vulnerability…I tremble inside. There is a subtle terror in revealing one’s self. Allowing the masks to drop and unveiling what is most real, can feel pretty scary. It’s like walking around partially naked and feeling like everyone sees that you are different. Noticing that everyone else has on their familiar persona and you are alone in your simplicity.
Sometimes there are others who see, understand and relate. Usually, most people feel a bit uneasy around a defenseless being. Probably because they feel their own protective masks and need to play them out regardless. They seem to get that you aren’t really interested in playing out their game any longer and are not sure what else to do.
I just continue to be imperfectly naked in the ways that are allowing my facades to drop and to pass through. I am what I am, no more, no less. Not too interested in the greed game or the I’m important because game or the I’m a victim game. Just being here and allowing less to be enough. It allows for a simpler orientation. Not a lot of big story too fill in all the space with. The dramatic responses are becoming irrelavent and not that interesting.
Who are we without all this. There is a feeling of emptiness that is quite different from being in the stories of the world. A quiet that is a deep aloneness. Sometimes lonely, usually just quiet and every once in a while mind chatter seeking to engage with someone.
Although there is less of a need to engage with anyone’s stories. They are so much of the same old victim paradigm. Not really much new. Then I meet someone and I can feel their heart participating and there’s sincere eye contact and a shared inner knowing that is palpable.
Then the words don’t really matter much. There is an easy natural connection. No one trying to impress or downplay or strategize…just a simple knowing. It’s easier this way. I walk away feeling met and seen. Now being naked is an honest revealing.
There is true strength in this form of gentle connection. Deeper, more aware, penetrating moments piercing through to the fabric of existence. There is a shared knowing which transcends all the misunderstandings of this world. This is communion, deep and real.
Then it is gone. Or is it? This may actually be a doorway which when opened allows for more true union. Human beings long to belong, to be seen, to get it right and to be good enough. What if we are already home, fully loved and accepted and we just need to be brave enough to be what we are.
When we are transparent in this, we are becoming what we have always been and always will be. Perfectly imperfect beings. Never will we be good enough or get it right in the standards of this world. Yet, we will always strive to hit an even greater mark. Until we realize there truly is no target, we spin the wheels of the mind endlessly stratagizing the next great conquest. We call this strength.
Of course it seems to take great strength to continue these pursuits. We are considered brave when the hunter shoots the lion and puts his head on the wall.
How absurd is this strength that ceaselessly tries to get the advantage in the situation. True bravery comes from revealing and living from the heart. Not superficially, but, rather from a deeper unwinding of the heart. Through so many lifetimes, the heart has been jammed up by the head. Rarely allowed to demonstrate its true strength. We, go along lifetime after lifetime until finally there is a breakthrough. The heart is now here and boy does it hurt.
We have much heartache, betrayal, abandonment, abuse that we have experienced and that we have inflicted. True courage is allowing the heart to feel again, to breathe life into this beautiful, humble servant.
This is where true strength begins to arise. When we are willing to feel this pain and to forgive it and to love again. This is where real life begins and drama ends. Yes, it hurts…more than anything. Yet, without this remarkable companion life is deadened and the old drama stories get very old. When the heart becomes freer of the old, numbing ways, there is a refreshing, new start. There is a newness, an innocence that is vulnerable, free and open.
Courage comes from the French word ‘cour’ meaning heart. They are inseparable. There is no true courage without the heart. There is mental play…which when felt into is quite superficial. The realm of the heart runs all the way to the soul. They are aligned.
The heart responds to the urgings of the soul. Which again, can leave one feeling quite alone. The callings, guidance and simple whisperings of the heart are in a different language than the mind. They are far more simple, yet they are profound in their ability to quickly break through the illusions of this world. For this is the greatest tool to awakening which we as human beings have. You would think that a tool this amazing would be commonly employed.
Most are afraid of the true strength and power of the heart. It’s rewards are quite different than that of the mind. Love is not considered a strength in most of the world.
To be gentle is not a power tool, so it is used very infrequently. Rarely is it even eminating from the heart center. When it is, it can and will open doors in ways that create the most beautiful transformation for the soul.
This is the mystery, the magic and the magnificence of who we truly are. From the center of our hearts, the soul enters and shifts reality drastically. Who or whatever you think you are is eradicated and adjusted into a human being capable of extraordinary miracles.
These may not add up to millions of dollars or a new Mercedes, but, I assure you, you will feel a shift in reality that will ‘blow your mind’ open.
Once this opening occurs, you will know what you are. Once this is experienced there is a longing for this to become one’s home eternally and truly it is this.
Yet, there is still necessary shedding of the identity that will then allow more and more and more heartfelt presence. There are moments or passages where there is a reprieve from this healing, but those who are here to awaken usually only get small breathers.
This unwinding of the ego is painful, yet there is an ever increasing simplicity to orient from. This gentle simplicity is your strength, with less and less story to defend, there is more and more presence to live from. Strength becomes gentleness becomes strength.
To your strength;