Category Archives: Intimate Union

The Greatest Companion

Death has a poignant energy that is so powerfully present. It looms dismally, yet it also brings forth deep, immense love. It has felt like the grim reaper were creeping about…just waiting to steal away my loved one.

My beloved companion of 16 years is moving towards his completion.

Our lives together, 16 years minus a few weeks have been with each other every day. Today, as he lay on a pillow elevated his head above his heart, I noticed how presently he watches me. Staring into me, penetrating deeply into my being. He looks and he sees me and I realize very few have ever looked at me with such depth and stillness. His deep brown eyes, contrasted beautifully by his lovely snow white fox fur, are a bridge to an awakened being.

Alex is an unfathomable gift to me. He came to me accidently, while visiting a pet shop with a young autistic girl, we saw Alex. He was in a cage and within moments I knew I wanted him and so did Elise. He looked like and felt like our prince, stuck in a prison and I knew I must find the way to get him out of there quickly and bring him to his home.

He was on sale, which made it so much easier for my minimal salary. Within a day, he was mine and I was elated! He stayed with me, at times at Elise’s condo, as I taught her and him how to be more independent.

There came a time soon after that I became very ill. I was living in an unhealthy home and became very weak and sick inside. After awhile, I was unable to cook for myself and spent a lot of my day and night resting.

Always, Alex was by my bed playing, joyfully amusing himself with anything he could find. Alex made me smile, he was the reason I got stronger. I new his sweet, young, joy for life presence needed me to get up from my sickness and live again. It took many, many months, but I know Alex saved my life.

We had many adventures in nature and Alex learned the ways of being wild and of being free spirited. He was mature and could hold his own in the wild. Many times he protected me from dogs much bigger than he. He was 25 lbs. but never considered his size as being less than his immense bravery. His full name is Alexander, Michael, Snow Walker…after Alexander the Great, Archangel Michael and his immense joy for snow.

Always Alex watched me. He watched me make hundreds of meals and sampled many tasty delights while we cooked together. Me doing the cooking he supportively watching, always watching…the most caring, interested eyes. I said many times…you will probably come back as a great chef.

As I would ready myself for the many dates and activities I would venture out on…Alex watched me. Many times I sensed him wondering why I made such a fuss about my clothes and make up. Other times I knew he wished I would just stay home with him. Many people have come and gone in my life and it is always Alex that has been here with me and for me. Always has he been here with me and for me. Always.

No matter when I would get my energy up enough to go for a walk with him…he was ready and always happy to go with me. Even if weeks of my weakness inhibited me from walking. The moment I was ready, he was ready. Always.

My tears and sadness are that I didn’t recognize the immense loyalty that my companion Always had for me. So many people, so many experiences have come and gone in my life and Alex has accompanied me through it all. I have endured immense painful transformations for many years and Alex has always made his presence available.

Now it is his time to make peace with his life. His lovely, strong, agile body is weak. The coughing from the congestive heart failure and his kidneys weakening are taking him from me. When he is moving he is still strong; the fluid circulates and he is not choking.

Today we played in the snow. he jumped and ran, put his nose in and out of the deep snow and tried so strongly to make me happy and show that his beautiful joyful spirit is still here. His body is weak and surely he is exhausted from coughing most of the night and from high dosages of lasix weakening his kidneys…yet he is still my little champion.

I am having the hardest time being strong right now for him. I so long to keep him near me forever. To always feel his soft long white fear on my fingertips, to see his lovely penetrating eyes telling me how much he loves me. I have lost so much this life, but to lose Alex is unfathomable to me.

I ask for the grace of all the light beings with me and my beloved Alex through this. Let me be strong and joyful for Alex while he is still near me. Let me find my joy for life that he brought to me 16 years ago as was stuck in a near death state. Please help me offer this blessed being the gift of my unconditional love as he chooses when he is to go.

I have already transitioned trough shock and denial. There’s this vague illusion that he may stay longer. 4 years ago we cleared terminal cancer from his body and saved his leg from being amputated. I realized how powerful we are together. Alex defied death. The powerful, expensive oncologist from the Fort Collins University hospital strongly declared he would be dead within months, that he should absolutely have his leg amputated, followed by chemo and still he would probably not have long.

Alex and I refused this prognosis and we beat the incurable cancer. Alex kept his lovely leg and continued to climb many mountains with it. Several years after, he was found to have absolutely no cancer in his body. Alex and Andrea beat death together many times.

Now it is his time and I so wish for my inner child that absolutely adores him that I could keep my beloved creature near to me forever. She pleads inside please grim reaper don’t take my favorite creature…truly he is all I have. And I must be strong and say…he will be in your heart forever sweet Andrea. The love you have together is beyond time, beyond the body, beyond this world. You will know this to be true.

Already, I want to know how will I contact him? How will I reach my beloved? Will he find me?

So many clients I have helped through death of their loved ones, yet, it is still so heart breaking.

Who will lead me through this painful passage as I have helped so many.

Sweet Alex is my work companion, my cooking companion, my sleeping companion, my emotional strength, my beloved…who has keenly, kindly and intently watched and accompanied me through all the stages of transformation into awakening. He wants me to be happy.

He wants me to know that finally I am at home in myself. That our work together has brought us home together.

No greater companion could there ever be for me. Implicitly I am one with him. I hold this awareness dearly to my heart, as I try so hard to smile at him through swollen tear streaked eyes. He is and will always be my joy, my strength and my beloved companion.

I am with you always my dear love.


Sweet Surrender



Coming home, two become one, surrendering into none. When we feel the juicy awareness of our humanness and it is being ignited by another hotly alive human in passion, in wonder and in mesmerizing awakening, then we must learn the fine art of presence.

This my sweet one is not the time to drift or to distract. This is the compelling calling of one soul to the other…join me, be here, freely, unencumbered be here. Dance with the juices that flow, igniting the fires down below and deep within.

This is a powerful home coming…to the deepest recesses from which your essential nature thrives. It may begin in a gently whispering call…I am here for you…let go…come with me now…take my hand…breathe…open your arms, uncross your legs, …set your mind free.

Allow the waves of energy to move…feel the undulating waves beginning, rising up your legs, freeing everything they touch.

Body moves without mind, heart effusively spills out its love all over, warming, healing, purifying…opening for soul. Union, no differentiation, no separation, a lovely ‘isness’ shared.

Bringing two home to see within each others eyes, between each others hearts that there is just this one.

One dancing in the fires of forgiveness of all, in complete relinquishment of self. Beingness responds to pure energy, the waves intense, yet so pleasurable in their opening of all that is no longer needed.

Flooding the senses, legs shuddering, the yoni and ligam joined eternally in all that is real.

The sweat, the tingling, the quivering, the burn, the deep anguish, the surrender into this ecstatic moment.

No you cannot keep this. You may never even return. You know what it is…it is the vast expansive well from which all of life arises and yet, you cannot hold onto this. It is too deep, too unfathomable for humanness.

You can open your heart, share your love, more and more and more. You can dance to the rhythm of your soul and embrace and embody the entire galaxy within your movement.

You can witness the demise of our beloved planet and breathe with awe inspired knowing that there will always be this….when all else passes.

In union there is knowing. In separation there is ignorance. To come home is to know the game is over.

The dance now dances me…..loving me all the way home.  I am the eternal dancer to the beloved lover…in this knowing i am  complete…

Dance home with me now…




Erotic Love



Erotic Love…has a life of its own…is an energy that most fear…can burn you up and leave you feeling empty…what a whirlwind and when it is here…ride the wave…it will leave you…open and awake in ways nothing else can…amazing in its ability to rip through core beliefs and leave one bewildered…this place where one is not sure if this is good or not…yet, there is an undeniable…a transformation…old has been unearthed and here the transition place where i am no longer who i was…the naive girl/woman who entered into the fire…the chauldren of change…and so it whirls…the energies have been ignited and they are moving…unpredictable, exciting and maddening, I am no longer who i was…and i am in the unfoldment of the erotic dance…deep penetrating love making…to the core, to the primal core of existence and who am i now, what is gone is indecipherable, what is now here is alive with newness…erotic love is the deep, undulating passion of one souls entry into another…leaving no stone unturned…all is fire blasted and with the greatest of pleasure a new me is born…yes, it is wild…this primal force is untamable…not for the meek of heart…only for the seasoned connisour of deep, dark transformation…one cannot survive long in this chauldron…it is to be entered with awareness throghout one’s  lifetime…and to be honored for its ability to ravish all the meek and mild places where one would wish to hide out for eternity…even these stones are overturned and shown to be exactly what they are…fear…fear of ones self…so i say to you…if you are blessed to have an erotic love…cherish the wildness…the abandon of this world…which must occur for this fire bird to blaze through your souls…and if you are left with a few prickly places and hot spots and blisters then simply remind yourself that you have had a journey most will never encounter and know that your soul is amongst those pioneers who are the cutting edge of this new frontier…you are blazing the trail of a wholly new world where convention no longer exists.